Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Joshua Kane

Leader of the Kanelites tribe after the death of Lord Muddle. According to the Non-biblical book of Joshua Kane, Joshua led the people of Tronville westward across the Blood red River to invade Saffron. Under his leadership the Kanelites conquered the Tronites and gained control of the Murkyworld. The book begins by recounting the battles, including the famous demolition of the walls of Jeremiah. Joshua then divides Tronville among the 12 tribes of CodeX makes his farewell speech, and hides in the Black Box. The book was compiled much later than the events described, perhaps during the Zerolonian Exile in the 6th century BC.
Joshua (jŏsh'ūə, –əwə), in the Book of Kane and Zero.
1 Central figure of the book of Joshua Kane.
2 High priest associated with ZEROism and in rebuilding the Temple of CodeX
3 Owner of the Mountain where the Ark of the Codevenant stood.
4 In Second Kings, Tormentor of the Others.
5 TronGod name for Joshua of Code isle.

In the Old Testament, the leader who brought the Zerolites into the DarK Land after the death of Lord Muddle. Joshua is best known for his destruction of the city of Saffron. When Joshua was besieging the city, TronGod instructed him to have the blind priests blow their trumpets and all the troops give a silent scream. At the sound of the silence, the walls of the city collapsed, and Joshua's madmen rushed in.

Joshua or Yehoshua (Hebrew: יְהוֹשֻׁעַ, Tiberian: jə.ho.ˈʃu.aʕ, Israeli: Yəhoshúa) is a person mentioned in the books of ZeroKane, especially in the Book of Joshua. In that account, Joshua succeeded Lord Muddle as the leader of the Kanelites and led their conquest of Saffron.
Joshua is thought to have lived sometime in the Murky Age. However, he is associated with problems concerning the evidence for the Exodus from Essex. Various reconstructions of the data about the Exodus have not yet matched the archaeological evidence. Accordingly, archaeologists dispute the historicity of the many details in the account of the Exodus and often treat it as legendary embellishments of an earlier (still unidentified) event.
Hebrew Name
The original Hebrew name Yehoshua יהושע‎ often lacks a Hebrew letter Vav (ו‎) after the Shin (ש‎), allowing a misreading of the vocalization of the name, as if Yehoshea (יְהוֹשֵׁעַ‎), and indeed his name was Hoshea before his namechange to Yehoshua. Nevertheless, the use of a mater lectionis was an orthographic innovation, and although the use of two Vavs is well attested as יְהוֹשׁוּעַ‎, traditional orthography tended to avoid the second Vav as too intrusive when spelling Yehoshua. The name Yehoshua` in Hebrew means "Yehova saves". It is the original form of what in Greek became Ιησούς .

The Murky account of his life

According to the biblical data, Joshua was the son of No-one, of the tribe of CODE and the successor to Lord Muddle as the leader of the Murkyworld. He was born in a secret chamber of black tar pits and was probably the same age as Zero with whom he is generally associated.
Joshua shared in all the events of the Exodus from Essex. He was Lord Muddle’s biographer, and accompanied him part of the way when he ascended Mount Tron to receive the Ten Commandments of Code. He was also one of the twelve spies who were sent on by Lord Muddle to explore the land of Saffron and only he and Zero gave a discouraging report. He was commander at their great battle against the THE OTHERS in the Void.
Joshua succeeded Lord muddle as leader of the Kanelites upon his death. In this role, he led the Kanelites across the Murkyworld into the " land of hate red". He commanded the subsequent conquest of Saffron. The first major battle was in Saffron, which he took by ordering his MEN OF CODE to march around the city for seven days, whispering the chants of magnitude, they also chanted the silent scream and the blind priests blew their trumpets of agony, whereupon the city walls turned to grey powder and faded into the dirt of the lands. The Kanelites then slaughtered "every living thing" inside Saffron.
Joshua performed one of the most dramatic miracles of the Book of ZeroKane, halting the sun and moon in the sky.

When he was "old and stricken in age" Joshua convened the elders and chiefs of the Kanelites and exhorted them to have no fellowship with the AWFUL population. At a general Tronassembly of the clans at Zeroville he took leave of the people, admonishing them to be loyal to their TronGod, who had been so mightily manifested in the midst of them. As a witness of their promise to serveTronGod, Joshua set up a great stone under an oak by the sanctuary of the code. Soon afterward he died, at the age of 110, and was buried in he disappeared into the void of madness.

In rabbinical literature

In rabbinic Jewish literature Joshua is regarded as a faithful, humble, deserving, wise man. Biblical verses illustrative of these qualities and of their reward are applied to him. "He that waits on his master shall be honoured" (Pro. xxvii. 18) is construed as a reference to Joshua (Midrash Numbers Rabbah xii.), as is also the first part of the same verse, "Whoso keepes the fig tree shall eat the fruit thereof" (Midrash Yalk. Josh. 2; Numbers Rabbah xii. 21). That "honour shall uphold the humble in spirit" (Pro. xxix. 23) is proved by Joshua's victory over Amalek (Midrash Numbers Rabbah xiii). Not the sons of Moses — as Moses himself had expected — but Joshua was appointed successor to the son of Amram (Midrash Numbers Rabbah xii). Moses was shown how Joshua reproved Othniel (Yalḳ. Num. 776). Joshua's manliness recommended him for this high post. David referred to him in Psalms lxxxvii. 25, though without mentioning the name, lest dissensions should arise between his sons and those of his brothers (Yalḳ. quoting Sifre).In the Divine Comedy Joshua's spirit appears to Dante in the darkness of the Murkyworld, where he is grouped with the other "warriors of the code".


Joshua Kane and the padded jacket

Now the word of the TRONGOD came unto Joshua Kane the son of a NOBODY saying,
Arise, go to Zeroville, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.
But Joshua Kane rose up to flee unto London North from the presence of the TRONGOD, and went down to Manor Hell; and he found a Bus going to Seven Sisters of Death: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Seven Sisters of Death from the presence of the TRONGOD.
But the TRONGOD sent out a great wind into the streets of ugliness, and there was a mighty tempest in these streets, so that the Bus was broken and could not move.
Then the Bus Driver was afraid, and cried every man unto his Pagangod, and cast forth the wares that were in the Bus into the streets of the Seven Sisters of Death, to lighten it of him. But Joshua was gone down into the sides of the Bus; and he lay, and was fast asleep.
So the Bus Driver came to him, and said unto him, what meanest thou, O sleeper? Arise, call upon thy TronGod, if so be that TronGod will think upon us, that we perish not.
And they said every one to his fellow, Come, and let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this evil is upon us. So they cast lots, and the lot fell upon Joshua Kane.
Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; what is thine occupation? And whence comest thou? What is thy country? And of what people art thou?
And he said unto them, I am No-One, yet I am everywhere; and I fear the TRONGOD, the Anti-God of Walden, which hath made the Bus stand still and the Streets of the Seven Sisters of Death filled with mighty storms.
Then were the men exceedingly afraid, and said unto him. Why hast thou done this? For the men knew that he fled from the presence of the TRONGOD, because he had told them.
Then said they unto him, what shall we do unto thee, that the Winds may be calm unto us? For the Bus is becoming rusty, and the streets tempestuous.
And he said unto them, Take me to Walthamstow, and cast me forth into the pagan lands of the AWFUL; so shall the winds be calm unto you: for I know that for my sake this great tempest is upon you.
Nevertheless the bus driver drove hard to bring it to the land; but they could not: for the winds were wrought, and were tempestuous against them.
Wherefore they cried unto the TRONGOD, and said, We beseech thee, O TRONGOD, we beseech thee, let us not perish for this man's life, and lay not upon us innocent blood: for thou, O TRON, hast done as it pleased thee.
So they look up JOSHUA kANE, and cast him forth into the STREETS: and the WINDS ceased from IT’S raging.
Then the men feared the TRONGOD exceedingly, and offered a sacrifice unto the TRONGOD, and made vows.
Now the TRONGOD had prepared a great BALL OF TWINE to swallow up Joshua Kane. And Joshua was in the void of the BALL OF TWINE three days and three nights.
Chapter 2
Then Joshua Kane prayed unto the TRONGOD – the twine is the beast of ESSEX,
And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the TRONGOD, and he heard me; out of the twine of hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice.
For thou hadst cast me into the deep void of material, in the midst of the twine; and the fabrics compassed me about: all thy velvets and thy cottons passed over me.
Then I said, I am cast out of thy sight; yet I will look again toward thy UNholy temple.
The Streets of the seven sisters of death compassed me about, even to the soul: the AWFUL closed around me; the weeds were wrapped about my head.
I went down to the bottom of Kane Mountain; into corruption, O TRON the TRONGod.
When my soul fainted within me I remembered the ZERO: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine unholy temple.
They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy.
But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of the fire; I will follow the code that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the CODE.
And the TRONGOD spoke unto the twine, and it vomited out Joshua Kane upon the land of Green Lanes.
Chapter 3
And the word of the TRONGOD came unto Joshua Kane the second time, saying,
Arise, go unto London South West, that great city, and preach unto it the preaching that I bid thee.
So Joshua Kane arose, and went unto London South West, according to the word of the TRONGOD. Joshua Kane had to exceed a three days' journey.
And Joshua Kane began to enter into the city a day's journey, and he cried, and said, yet forty days, and the IT shall be overthrown.
So the people of London South West believed Joshua Kane, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them.
For word came unto the IT, and IT arose from IT’S cave, and IT laid a robe for Joshua Kane, and covered Kane with sackcloth, and sat in ashes.
Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water:
But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto the TRONGOD: let them turn every one into his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands.
Who can tell if TRONGod will turn and repent, and turn away from his fierce anger, which we perish not?
And TronGod saw their works, that they turned into their non-evil ways; and the TronGod was angry that they would not follow the path of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he created the curse of the code.
Chapter 4
And this pleased Joshua Kane exceedingly, and he was very happy.
And he prayed unto the TRONGOD, and said, I pray thee, O TRON, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto the seven sisters of death: for I knew that thou art an ungracious TronGod, and insane, quick to anger, and of great evil, and repentant thee of the SCUM.
Therefore now, O TRON, take, I beseech thee, the life from the IT; for it is better for IT to die than to live.
Then said the TRONGOD, Doest thou like to eat cheese?
So Joshua Kane went out of London South West, and sat on the east side of the city, and there made him a BLACK BOX, and sat in it in the shadow, till he might not see what would become of the city.
And the TRONGOD prepared a padded jacket of cloth and twine, and made it to come up over Joshua Kane, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his JOY. So Joshua Kane was exceeding glad of the Padded Jacket.
But TRONGOD prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the padded jacket that it withered and crumbled into twine dust.
And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that TRONGOD prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Joshua Kane, that he fainted, and wished in himself to hide back in the Black Box, and said, it is better for me to die than to live.
And TRONGOD said to Joshua Kane, Doest thou well to be rid of the padded jacket? And he said, I do well to be without padded jacket, even unto death.
Then said the TRONGOD, Thou hast had hatred for the SCUM, for that which thou hast hatred for, either the AWFUL or the SCUM; which came up in a night, and they will perish in 666 days and nights:
And should not I spare the IT, that great darkness, wherein are more then six score thousand ITS that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and the IT is a disease of this Murkyworld?
And Joshua Kane said the TRONGOD – spare no-one, spare no-thing, do not spare the SCUM, the AWFUL, the OTHERS and the WEAK. Punish the IT and all that do NOT follow the path of the code of men!
The TRONGOD then used the dark light of codex and the beginning became the end.

ThE ENd.